it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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