i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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