At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Your tits are I can't wait for
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
