Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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