i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you will always have a special place in my vag
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
