No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's blow job season.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
