Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
