even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
