I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize