Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
