that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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