she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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