This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
