he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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