Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
