drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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