i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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