I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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