May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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