I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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