Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
