I will die if light touches me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
