if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
