anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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