does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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