the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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