Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he thought i was a dude.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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