My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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