Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
