i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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