can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
