what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
