I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
