Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
God I need to hump something, right now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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