You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
