The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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