Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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