you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
