whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
