your parents love me but you hate me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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