Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
