ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
