woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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