a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
