Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
