So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
