I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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