we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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