I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
