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I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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