You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
