me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
