i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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