so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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