Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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