I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
