So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
