I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
