Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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