38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
