If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
