We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
