You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
