hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize